Backgammon Online

03-Jul-2013
06:46 PDT

What a shame to see another player go   BTW, it wasn't me in case anybody was wondering as have just seen that I was the only/last game he had going in the tourney. Could have been an insulting message in the messages not necessarily in a game. Also a real shame that Peter won't be running next tournament.

Thanks, again, to KK for all your hard work! (I can't offer to run a tournament as a) I don't have time and b) it would probably be a disaster as I'm not very good with numbers  )

03-Jul-2013
07:10 PDT

Hi everyone,

The one who sent an abusive and rude message to Peter Hill is me.
I admit, I overreacted.
After I won a match with Peter I challenged him and he declined the challenge because I forgot to change 3 days per move into 2 days per move.
According to me not a very big problem as I always play several moves a day and never make the games last too long.
Peter added a remark "I see my reminder about games being 2 days per move didn't last long?". It was not rude, but was it necessary? It was a second remark from Peter. After the first one I was only a bit ironic. Maybe this is what made Peter want to give me another lesson.
As I said, I overreacted, because I find such lessons of good manners rather stupid.
I apologise to Peter - for the form of my response, but not for my motivation.

Peter reported my message to ZE. I am not surprised, as this is logical after wanting to give me a lesson because I did not change 3 into 2. But I still do not understand why waste time for giving such lessons to other people if it does not disturb in anything the tourney. I am sure Peter has the right to be proud of himself and of the fact he will certainly achieve his goal, whatever it is.

I really apologise all of you to bother you with my stupid behaviour. I should have ignored Peter, but I felt provoked. Sorry! Of course I will accept any consequences, including retiring me from the tourney.

I have been playing at ZE for my years. Those players, who play often with me know, that I am rather a nice guy. But giving me stupid lessons of good manners will surely make me react. After first remark of Peter Hill I was only a bit ironic. After the second remark, I was rude. I should not have, but... nobody's perfect. Nobody but Peter   (just a joke)

Best regards,
Padajp

03-Jul-2013
12:14 PDT

Hi Padajp,

Although I think it was honest of you to admit to being the one who sent rude and abusive messages to Peter Hill, I don't think that's an excuse. However much people annoy or provoke you, I don't think being rude should be accepted.

Bite your tongue. Log off. Walk the dog. Do anything rather than being rude.

And after all that had happened, I didn't actually find your last comment particularly funny.

I'm not going to go into who's a good guy and who's a bad guy but can people just learn some manners, please?

If we're here to have fun, why have 3 people left already? SO WRONG.  

03-Jul-2013
13:46 PDT

If we're here to have fun, why have 3 people left already? SO WRONG.

I totally agree with your statement above, but this kind of thing happens ALL THE TIME!. There are just too many egos, too many wanna be leaders and too many diverse ideas.
I wasn't going to join this tourney for these reasons, but I thought maybe this tourney might be fun and maybe might be different....but it wasn't.

I have two more players to complete my matches (you and padajp), but after I finish these matches I won't be joining in any more of these tourneys. Although the zoo escape tourneys are long, they are much less hassle.

Many of you feel the need to be RIGHT and have this idea that you are SUPERIOR to everyone else (just read the comments in this forum to find out who these people are). What a wonderful world this would be if everyone felt the need to be compassionate and understanding. What a concept, eh? (Yes, I'm a Canadian)

03-Jul-2013
14:04 PDT

.....for suggestions on how to deal with rude and abusive behavior (see point #5).

We could use the Kid's voting method if necessary. However, I do think that reporting all instances of abusive behavior to ZE is the first thing people should do. There are 2 ways to do this: 1) click on the 'report abuse' link next to the abusive post, and 2) directly describe, document, and report the issue to ZE by clicking on the 'Contact Us' link. This is what I had to do when I became the repetitive target of abusive behavior. I first tried putting the offender on my ignore list immediately after our match. Unfortunately, that didn't work because they then resorted to abusive name calling in our public forum. It took about 10 days to get a response after reporting the matter to ZE so you have to be patient. That means that you may have to put up with more abuse while you are waiting. My advice to others who might find themselves as a recipient of rude behavior -- don't take the bait. But if the issue persists, don't be bullied into leaving the T either. Hang in there, stand up for yourself by reporting the issue to ZE and to the T host, and in the end, please just consider the source. Those that feel the need to resort to childish name calling, etc. usually manage to eventually expose themselves as the kind of person they truly are. Fortunately, those kinds of folks are in the vast minority in our collegial group.

I think the vast majority of us can agree that we really have something good going here. We shouldn't let the actions of a few ruin the experience for the rest of us. Thanks Kumara for the great job you are doing and I look forward to fully supporting you and the next host however I can as just one player who is enjoying this friendly competition. Life is too short to do otherwise! Peace  

03-Jul-2013
14:04 PDT

Padajp,

Your response and apology is extremely well received on my part. We all mess up, and apologising and asking for forgiveness, in my opinion, is quite mature, and something we all could learn from.

We all so often take things so personally! It becomes personal, and then we take offense, our 'rights' get trampled on, and division occurs. It's historic, and pervasive. Let's assume the best of people, be a duck (slippery backs...it falls right off), and move on.

I sure don't mind all the 'messiness', as long as it doesn't divide.

Note: I find text leaves out a lot of 'intention'. No body language, no facial expression, no vocal intonation. Let's assume the best of the text at first always.

Thanks Padajp. Peter et al, come back!

LW

03-Jul-2013
14:10 PDT

Very wise words indeed!

03-Jul-2013
14:15 PDT

ALL THE TIME?

I have had NO problems in this tournament. I have played against some amazing people who have helped me, willingly or not, get better at this backgammon game thing, which I love. Maybe it's because I'm not as good as most of the players in this tournament, but I've spoken to other people along the way and they've always been really pleasant, even when I beat them. (Ehem).

Too many egos? Too many leaders? Yes, probably, but when it boils down to it, the only ones who are keeping this tournament going are people who haven't got involved in any fights and would like to just enjoy the game. Real style.

It would be a shame for there not to be another tournament because of gentlemen (then they say women are the worst) being rude but I can understand why nobody is offering to host the next one.

I reckon KK is the one to do it. He's got style, he's got the guts and he doesn't get involved in poohsticks!   Plus he has the most amazing website!!

03-Jul-2013
14:16 PDT

I had an occasion to report abusive behavior. This abuse was in direct violation of the zoo rules, yet nothing was done. I forwarded these abusive messages to the zoo master for 4 days straight and didn't receive a singe message back from them. Uahskr, you are very lucky that you were heard. I had to just put up with the bullying!

03-Jul-2013
14:23 PDT

Hi josicat,

I totally agree - this is not an excuse.
And believe me - I generally do not have problems with good manners.
Things like that - are just exceptions, I am getting peevish when getting old, I suppose.

And this is why, I sincerely apologise:
- to Peter - my attitude was shameful and rude and unjustifiable
- and to you - all participants of this tourney - you should not be bothered with my rudeness.

And I apologise not because Peter complained about my message to ZE, I really do not care, what ZE does or does not. I apologise, because I also agree that rudeness is not the way.

Peter,

Your remarks - is not the way, either. They are not rude, but they are certainly not indispensable. If this tourney is to be fun, than people must be more tolerant with the difference between 2 and 3. Your remarks were not fun at all, even though for some time they made me laugh.

So please, accept my apologies.

I really do not like your remarks. It looked like you wanted to exercise on me some little power you had, to force me to do something. Something very little and meaningless, but giving you the pleasure of forcing somebody to do something. I find it strange and a bit pathetic. But I also find my rudeness was as pathetic and ridiculous. My rudeness was the worst solution.

I could put you on ignore list
I could tell you nicely to keep your remarks for yourself
I could just ignore your remarks, keep laughing and send you a smiley
Or I could take a melodramatic decision to quit the tourney which is soon to be ruled be a little dictator.
But I certainly could not be so rude.
So one more time, please accept my apologies for my rude message.

Please forgive my french, and my english.

Best regards,
Padajp.